The Waxident

I was going to get my first ever bikini wax during what I refer to as my 2nd freshman year of college. But I'm seriously a baby when it comes to pain, so I did what a lot of moms do for their babies... I got the numbing cream, EMLA. So I get home from the gym, I shower, I take the cream and apply it everywhere 30 minutes before my appointment with Kuniko. Then, as the instructions say to do, I cover the area with saran wrap and seal it with medical tape. I put my underwear on over my plastic diaper and get in my dad's new car.

I'm driving down Parker Ave, noticing that I'm driving a little slower than normal as I approach the flashing yellow light by the high school, where a mob of Maplehoodlums are loitering, when I see this guy on his cell phone stopped at the flashing red light to my left. Then this guy decides that my car, my numbing diaper, and I are all invisible and T-bones me. Grreat.

It was like being on Jerry Springer with all those kids running over and screaming and shouting and letting me know that they saawd that and I aint got nothin to worry bout cause he hit me and they gon tell the police... great, the police. So I'm not the kind of person who cares about things like bringing my driver's license with me or worrying about getting in trouble for things... because everything is fixable and you can basically do anything you want until someone tells you that you cant... but don't ask first!

Anyway, the police are like, are you okay blah blah blah, license and registration please... and I'm like... umm can I call my mom and have her bring it? So I'm still sitting there in my plastic diaper trying to answer all their questions without getting out of the car, but they basically make me get out and I can hear the saran wrap crinkling in my pants and its very uncomfortable. So I give them my documentation (which isnt exactly perfectly in order but thats a whole other issue with my dad), they tow the car, and my mom drives me to my appointment, which means that now I have to tell her where I was going and why.

Until the day I found out that she secretly retired, and all I could do was say, "NO NO NO NO" and "why? when? what am I going to do? I CANT BELIEVE THIS!" and then back to "NO NO NO NO," Kuniko, my Japanese waxing lady made fun of me EVERY single time I went in there AND told her other clients about me and my cream. But she charged me $25 (and I gave her a $10 tip) when the actual price at Anthony Garubo Salon AND DAY SPA?? was $50, so I was okay with her telling my secret. She told me she was very proud of me in later years for being such a trooper and not using the cream anymore but I think it was just an excuse for her to bring it up again.

AND, that guy who hit me ends up in my LIVING ROOM 4 years later and proceeds to explain to me how even though his car drove into the SIDE of my car, and he had a STOP SIGN, that I am the one who hit him. The EMLA must have gone to my head.

Prom dates

This is first because it's the farthest back I can remember (that's a lie).

A partial list of people I asked to prom.
There are 4 others floating around somewhere but they didn't make it into the journal.
For the record, aside from Nash and Josh, every single one of these people said yes and then realized that they couldn't go.

Phil
Jared
Brad
Brad 2
Ross
Andy
Dan
Avi
Ian
Perry ??
Dave
Nash
Dan
Josh Beechler from Trattoria...
Devon Kinnard (Hi, what are you doing next Thursday night? Nothing. Do you want to go to my prom? Yeah sure, What's your name?)
Mike Schimmelphinig- great prom date, awful last name, turns out the other Erde got to know him a little better ;)

Confessions

Hello, my name is Laina and I like LA better than NY.