For anyone who ever needed a visual after hearing me tell about the room I slept in at my dad's place...
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The dragon
For anyone who ever needed a visual after hearing me tell about the room I slept in at my dad's place...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
getting out of Chicago alive
In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.
I lived with my aunt and uncle in Chicago for X months* in 2007... and about 2 weeks in 2008. I was not a fan of the weather, the pizza, or the L. I happily worked for my uncle's company until I left for Los Angeles. My aunt and uncle were very unhappy when I told them in early/mid November that I was leaving 1/12/08, but my flight was booked and it was on. They were going to be away in Europe and Africa from 12/15-12/30, but I was to run the office until I went home to NJ from 12/20-1/2. I will spare you all of the horrible details of being treated like a second class citizen, and skip right to the torture.
11/16/07
Dinner time:
The issue comes up of where I will stay when my cousins come home from college for winter break. My aunt and uncle tell me that I will need to stay with a friend and rent a car when I return in January because there will not be room or a car for me. I have no problem with this.
11/30/07
Dinner time:
I am told that in order to save me the responsibility of locking and alarming my family's home, I will have to stay with a friend (the wonderful Courtney, who is my dad's girlfriend's daughter) when they leave for vacation. I will need to commute from downtown in order to run the office, but I will still have use of the Volvo.
12/14/07
Friday
4:00pm
I am told that I will need to rent a car effective 12/15 in order to save me the responsibility of having a car stolen or damaged in Wicker Park, where I will be staying after I am locked out of the house. This is an unexpected expense...
5:30pm
6:00pm
I am told it is mandatory that I am in the office on 1/2. I had made it known way back when that I planned to do birthday brunch on 1/2 with my sister, Valerie, at Bubby's Pie Co. in Tribeca before flying out that day to be back in the office 1/3.
11:10pm
1:00am
Flight grudgingly changed after two bleary-eyed phone calls with Continental (the first lady hung up on me and almost made me cry). Now I have to fly back on New Year's Day.
12/15
Saturday: Day 1 of the 4 worst days of my life
7:25am
I get an email from my aunt when I wake up with suggestions on car rentals (the same offers I selected from the night before).
I work out, shower, pack and clean, and get every last thread of my belongings out of sight so that the home-coming college heroes will feel as though they never left.
4:00pm
My uncle insists that that there is not enough room in the taxi for my bags, which there is, so I will have to ride to the airport, pick up my rental car, drive back to the suburbs to get my bags (from the trunk of the car I am not allowed to drive in the driveway of the house in which I am not allowed to stay), and then back to the city in time to be let into my friend's apartment before she has to go out to a work dinner. I quickly (in under 30 seconds) re-pack my overnight items into one bag in case I do not have time to go back until the next day. I am so lucky to be a natural packer.
The cabby's odor makes me sick to my stomach.
The snow starts to fall.
5:00pm
We arrive at the international terminal and everyone exits the cab. Rather than being dropped at the car rental location or even the shuttle bus stop, I have to get out with them and trudge through the terminal and outside in the snow to wait for the shuttle bus.
The driver is a wealthy property owner from Hawaii and only comes to Chicago on occasion to enjoy the culture... and drive the airport shuttle? The details are blurry, but at the time, I KNOW I believed him.
I am told that my debit card has insufficient funds to pay for both the rental car and the hold required to rent a car. Coincidentally, his hold amount is almost exactly the same as the amount I debited when changing my airline ticket at 1am...
I am standing in Budget with my phone plugged into the wall because OF COURSE it is about to die. My aunt (who believed I did it my way because I didn't trust her rental car suggestions) grudgingly offers to charge the rental to their credit card. This is not allowed because the cardholder must be physically present with the physical card in order to physically rent a physical vehicle.
6:30pm
I take the shuttle back to the terminal and trudge back through the airport to find the L. I pay for my ticket in change to get rid of some of the 4lbs of coins in my bag.
We're riding along and in between losing reception, I'm trying to reach Courtney but she's not picking up... and my phone is beeping low battery. The train comes to a stop. Why? Because there is construction and we will all have to walk 3 blocks in what is now a legitimate blizzard to a bus that will take everyone to another train. I can't reach Court and my battery is just about dead, so when I eventually arrive at destination unknown, I will have nowhere to deposit my belongings or rest my weary head.
8:00pm
Finally, I hear from Court in the nick of time and meet her who knows where to get the keys. I flag down a cab and haul my soaking wet, frozen self into the backseat. On it's last dying breath, my phone alerts me to a text message from my uncle. I am allowed to use the Volvo.
9:00pm
I whine on the phone to my mom.. or cry... or whatever and then pass out for 12 hours after eating out of this world german chocolate cake from Earwax on N. Milwaukee.
12/16/08
Sunday: Day 2 of the 4 worst days of my life
11:00am
Courtney never came home, but we're supposed to go get the car and go to an Indian Temple so taht she can complete a class assignment. So I now have to find my way alone in the well below freezing morning to meet up with her and her friend so that we can then take 3 trains and then wait in 23 degree, 20 mph wind for a taxi to get to the Volvo which is covered in a foot and a half of snow. After 10 minutes, I finally have the car clear enough to grab a change of clothing and some blankets from the trunk so that we can stop the hypothermia.
4:00pm
We get to the Indian Temple somewhere south of the city and after a very interesting shoe-free tour, we eat a big pile of super cheap vegetarian Indian food.
9:00pm
We finally get back to the city and find a place to park right across the street from Court's place. We check and double check the signs to make sure that it's really legal, and then head inside with about 1,000 lbs of my stuff. I am feeling happy that I found such a close spot that I can see from the window.
12/17/07
Monday: Day 3 of the 4 worst days of my life
7:00am
I look outside to check on the Volvo and there are NO CARS! This can't be happening, is this really happening???
So I called the parking patrol and based on where the car was parked, they can tell me that it was on a snow route and was taken to impound lot 7 or whatever. I ask them how I can get the car back, and the answer is pretty much the exact opposite of anything you would ever want to hear at that moment. The converstation went something like this:
How can I get the car back?
Are you the owner of the vehicle?
No, I'm their niece.
Is your last name the same as the owner's last name?
No.
Well we need the owner to release the car to you.
Oh my god, thats impossible, the owner is in Europe on vacation for two weeks.
A-Get a letter from the owner stating:
my name
their name
the make model, year
plate #, VIN #
and that they release the car to me.
B-this letter must be signed and notarized
C-pay the charge for towing and storage in cash
$150 + $10 for the first 3 days and then about $50 a day after that.
The $30 parking ticket comes later.
Well what am I going to do? I have to get to the office, so again, I take 3 trains and then a taxi to my family's house... clear off and steal their other car, call my mom and completely break down crying, and finally make it to the office.
10:00am
Like any normal human being, the next thing I think to do is look for booze. I found vodka and champagne, and was only barely able to control my burning desire to be drunk. I had important things to do first. I found a copy of my uncle's driver's license, vehicle registration information, and even ownership documents. I put this together with my pay stubs showing that I work for the same company, and some mail with my name and my family's address. And I write up a letter.
10:30am
I get the call. My uncle. He wants to know where I've been, because I am two hours late to work. I tell him that I've had a kind of disastrous morning, but that I'm here now and I'm working. He wants to know why my morning was so bad. I ask him if I can tell him later. No, he wants to know if something happened to the car. Again, the crying. He hands the phone off to my aunt who is asking me what has to happen, and I can hear my uncle shrieking in the background.
So my aunt tells me to write a letter, sign her name, and ask the notary in the office down the hall to notarize it for me. So that's what I did. Then I work all day, and in between getting yelled at and crying and being given the same spreadsheet to reformat 10 times in a row and crying some more, all I can think about is getting drunk.
At some point maybe I eat a bagel from the office freezer but food is definitely not at the top of my list right now.
5:30pm
Finally, it's time to leave and I am SO ready to be drunk. I take my champagne in its shiny gift bag and the vodka in another, I'm wearing two pairs of socks, pants, boots, a down jacket and a northface shell, two hoods, and gloves and I drop the other car back off at their house.
I am really feeling like a homeless person at this point because I'm walking the streets with all the clothing I have, bags of booze, I haven't really eaten at all, I certainly haven't showered since Saturday, and once I get to the station and get on the train, I still don't know where I am going.
So, I'm freezing my ass off waiting for that train... it's about 15 degrees now because the sun is down. I'm like, what can I do to keep warm? I know, I can act like a complete and utter lunatic and run laps around the Kenilworth train station. So I do that for about 4o minutes until the train comes.
I decide that it's only costing me $10 to leave the car in the pound, so better to leave it there and get hammered. It's night time and I'm a mess. Some nice guy shows me how to get from the station to the blue line, and I am on my way. I get up to Courtney's and I make the announcement that we are drinking tonight.
12/18/07
Tuesday: Day 4 of the 4 worst days of my life
7:00am
I'm feeling a little wobbly as I make my way to the bathroom and I'm wondering if I'm maybe still a little drunk. I know that the answer to that question is without a doubt, yes, when I find myself washing the front of my hair with shampoo over the sink. Somehow I got directions to the impound lot, which is in an area of town I have never been to, and I set out to find it.
It took me 2 trains, 1 bus, and 1 mile of walking in a bad area where no one shovels their sidewalks. When I finally get to the pound, the woman on the other side of the counter tells me that they can't release the car to me because the letter is not from the owner of the car, it's from his wife.
At that point I don't know what to do. That's not like, I don't know what to do to solve this situation, that's like, I don't know how to blink, I don't know how to move, I don't know how to speak. If breathing weren't involuntary functions, I probably wouldn't know how to do that either. I have no idea where I am, I have no idea how to get to the office from here.
I'm just staring at this lady with my mouth hanging open. Finally I manage to tell her that I don't know what to do. She says that I need to go get another letter... if only it were that easy. I tell her that I needed to see the supervisor. It took about two hours of finagling and this poor lady even had to talk to my mom on the phone, but finally she decided that she was going to do whatever it took to get me that car.
Now, just so you know, there are signs in that little trailer that let you know that you are being recorded on video and audio tape. This supervisor lady pulls me close and says to me, come in the back so that they can't hear us. So she takes me into a room and tells me the plan.
So that's what we did. And I got the car back. I would have written her a love letter but I didn't want there to be any evidence that she was breakin the law, breakin the law.
And then I went 10 minutes in the wrong direction and sat in traffic for a while.
And I ignored a few "unavailable" phone calls (presumably international).
12:30pm
I stopped at the store to get some coffee and flowers for the notary who totally broke the law twice for me.
4:30pm
I forwarded the phones to my cell and left early. There was nothing left to do because I finished it ahead of schedule, and Courtney and I wanted to go to a museum and dinner. We went to Quartino, which I highly recommend for first dates and pre-gaming with friends.
10:00pm
I find a legal parking spot around the corner from Courtney's apt, and I call the police to make sure it's legal. Then I go into the bar on teh corner to make sure it's legal. Then I call city information to make sure it's legal. So far so good.
I pack up all my stuff for my trip home and set it by the door.
1:00am
Totally and completely drained, I go to bed around... but I only sleep for about 2 hours. I wake up and I'm freaking out thinking I might die because I'm seeing this white light like a lighthouse beam in both eyes and it wont go away whether my eyes are open or closed.
3:00am
I call my mom, she is not too pleased that I am calling her repeatedly at 5 in the morning, but she's my mom, so she tries to calm me down.
4:30am
I write this email to my aunt:
12/19/07
Wednesday
6:30am
I get up, dressed and take all my things outside. I'm walking down the street and I can see the corner... and I can see partway down the block. And there are no cars. And I can see more... no cars, and just as im about to lay down in the middle of the road (not that there are any cars at this hour), I see the beautiful Volvo all alone, just where I left it. The relief is overwhelming.
So I lug my stuff over and load it into the car.
7:30am
I am in the office with starbucks and headed down to the gym for a mini-workout to get my blood flowing and then, hurray, my first shower since SATURDAY! Unbelievable... the warm water felt so good on my dirty, tired, perpetually cold and worn out body.
12:00pm
Get car washed to remove impound lot markings
Call doctors office for emergency xanax prescription in order to get myself on an airplane.
Drop car back in aunt and uncle's driveway, taxi back to office
5:30pm
I finally lock up the office and bring my bags down to the taxi that is taking me to the airport. We stop at CVS so that I can get my Rx, then we stop at whole foods so that I can get some food, finally.
6:30pm
I get to the airport and find out that my flight is delayed, so I pop a pill and wash it down with a beer at one of the airport bars. When I finally get on the plane, there is a strange noise and the captain gets on the mic and announces that in case we hear or see anything funny, it's just that they are going to have to start the left engine with some machine and then start the right engine from the left. But don't be alarmed.
UM, are you serious? I'm alarmed. I'm up and out of my seat and asking this flight attendant how common that is and all kinds of other questions. She's finding this pretty annoying until I tell her that I've just had the worst week of my life and I'm afraid I'm going to die. Then she gave me a pep talk like none other about being a stronger person and learning and growing and having faith. So I sat back down and I let them take me home to New Jersey in their machine-started plane with a broken-sounding engine.
New ticket $179.40
I lived with my aunt and uncle in Chicago for X months* in 2007... and about 2 weeks in 2008. I was not a fan of the weather, the pizza, or the L. I happily worked for my uncle's company until I left for Los Angeles. My aunt and uncle were very unhappy when I told them in early/mid November that I was leaving 1/12/08, but my flight was booked and it was on. They were going to be away in Europe and Africa from 12/15-12/30, but I was to run the office until I went home to NJ from 12/20-1/2. I will spare you all of the horrible details of being treated like a second class citizen, and skip right to the torture.
11/16/07
Dinner time:
The issue comes up of where I will stay when my cousins come home from college for winter break. My aunt and uncle tell me that I will need to stay with a friend and rent a car when I return in January because there will not be room or a car for me. I have no problem with this.
Rental car reserved for Jan 2-10, 2008
Pick-up and drop off ORD
$237.41
Pick-up and drop off ORD
$237.41
11/30/07
Dinner time:
I am told that in order to save me the responsibility of locking and alarming my family's home, I will have to stay with a friend (the wonderful Courtney, who is my dad's girlfriend's daughter) when they leave for vacation. I will need to commute from downtown in order to run the office, but I will still have use of the Volvo.
12/14/07
Friday
4:00pm
I am told that I will need to rent a car effective 12/15 in order to save me the responsibility of having a car stolen or damaged in Wicker Park, where I will be staying after I am locked out of the house. This is an unexpected expense...
5:30pm
I leave work and deposit $1857.02 into my checking account.
Balance before deposit: $492.91
Balance before deposit: $492.91
6:00pm
I am told it is mandatory that I am in the office on 1/2. I had made it known way back when that I planned to do birthday brunch on 1/2 with my sister, Valerie, at Bubby's Pie Co. in Tribeca before flying out that day to be back in the office 1/3.
11:10pm
Rental car reserved for Dec 15-20, 2007
Pick up and drop off ORD
$125.77
Pick up and drop off ORD
$125.77
1:00am
Flight grudgingly changed after two bleary-eyed phone calls with Continental (the first lady hung up on me and almost made me cry). Now I have to fly back on New Year's Day.
$100 change fee
$120 difference in fare
$120 difference in fare
12/15
Saturday: Day 1 of the 4 worst days of my life
7:25am
I get an email from my aunt when I wake up with suggestions on car rentals (the same offers I selected from the night before).
I work out, shower, pack and clean, and get every last thread of my belongings out of sight so that the home-coming college heroes will feel as though they never left.
4:00pm
My uncle insists that that there is not enough room in the taxi for my bags, which there is, so I will have to ride to the airport, pick up my rental car, drive back to the suburbs to get my bags (from the trunk of the car I am not allowed to drive in the driveway of the house in which I am not allowed to stay), and then back to the city in time to be let into my friend's apartment before she has to go out to a work dinner. I quickly (in under 30 seconds) re-pack my overnight items into one bag in case I do not have time to go back until the next day. I am so lucky to be a natural packer.
The cabby's odor makes me sick to my stomach.
The snow starts to fall.
5:00pm
We arrive at the international terminal and everyone exits the cab. Rather than being dropped at the car rental location or even the shuttle bus stop, I have to get out with them and trudge through the terminal and outside in the snow to wait for the shuttle bus.
The driver is a wealthy property owner from Hawaii and only comes to Chicago on occasion to enjoy the culture... and drive the airport shuttle? The details are blurry, but at the time, I KNOW I believed him.
I am told that my debit card has insufficient funds to pay for both the rental car and the hold required to rent a car. Coincidentally, his hold amount is almost exactly the same as the amount I debited when changing my airline ticket at 1am...
I am standing in Budget with my phone plugged into the wall because OF COURSE it is about to die. My aunt (who believed I did it my way because I didn't trust her rental car suggestions) grudgingly offers to charge the rental to their credit card. This is not allowed because the cardholder must be physically present with the physical card in order to physically rent a physical vehicle.
6:30pm
I take the shuttle back to the terminal and trudge back through the airport to find the L. I pay for my ticket in change to get rid of some of the 4lbs of coins in my bag.
We're riding along and in between losing reception, I'm trying to reach Courtney but she's not picking up... and my phone is beeping low battery. The train comes to a stop. Why? Because there is construction and we will all have to walk 3 blocks in what is now a legitimate blizzard to a bus that will take everyone to another train. I can't reach Court and my battery is just about dead, so when I eventually arrive at destination unknown, I will have nowhere to deposit my belongings or rest my weary head.
8:00pm
Finally, I hear from Court in the nick of time and meet her who knows where to get the keys. I flag down a cab and haul my soaking wet, frozen self into the backseat. On it's last dying breath, my phone alerts me to a text message from my uncle. I am allowed to use the Volvo.
9:00pm
I whine on the phone to my mom.. or cry... or whatever and then pass out for 12 hours after eating out of this world german chocolate cake from Earwax on N. Milwaukee.
12/16/08
Sunday: Day 2 of the 4 worst days of my life
11:00am
Courtney never came home, but we're supposed to go get the car and go to an Indian Temple so taht she can complete a class assignment. So I now have to find my way alone in the well below freezing morning to meet up with her and her friend so that we can then take 3 trains and then wait in 23 degree, 20 mph wind for a taxi to get to the Volvo which is covered in a foot and a half of snow. After 10 minutes, I finally have the car clear enough to grab a change of clothing and some blankets from the trunk so that we can stop the hypothermia.
4:00pm
We get to the Indian Temple somewhere south of the city and after a very interesting shoe-free tour, we eat a big pile of super cheap vegetarian Indian food.
9:00pm
We finally get back to the city and find a place to park right across the street from Court's place. We check and double check the signs to make sure that it's really legal, and then head inside with about 1,000 lbs of my stuff. I am feeling happy that I found such a close spot that I can see from the window.
I passsss out cold.
12/17/07
Monday: Day 3 of the 4 worst days of my life
7:00am
I look outside to check on the Volvo and there are NO CARS! This can't be happening, is this really happening???
So I called the parking patrol and based on where the car was parked, they can tell me that it was on a snow route and was taken to impound lot 7 or whatever. I ask them how I can get the car back, and the answer is pretty much the exact opposite of anything you would ever want to hear at that moment. The converstation went something like this:
How can I get the car back?
Are you the owner of the vehicle?
No, I'm their niece.
Is your last name the same as the owner's last name?
No.
Well we need the owner to release the car to you.
Oh my god, thats impossible, the owner is in Europe on vacation for two weeks.
So I go on to find out that the only way I can have the car released to me is:
A-Get a letter from the owner stating:
my name
their name
the make model, year
plate #, VIN #
and that they release the car to me.
B-this letter must be signed and notarized
C-pay the charge for towing and storage in cash
$150 + $10 for the first 3 days and then about $50 a day after that.
The $30 parking ticket comes later.
Well what am I going to do? I have to get to the office, so again, I take 3 trains and then a taxi to my family's house... clear off and steal their other car, call my mom and completely break down crying, and finally make it to the office.
10:00am
Like any normal human being, the next thing I think to do is look for booze. I found vodka and champagne, and was only barely able to control my burning desire to be drunk. I had important things to do first. I found a copy of my uncle's driver's license, vehicle registration information, and even ownership documents. I put this together with my pay stubs showing that I work for the same company, and some mail with my name and my family's address. And I write up a letter.
10:30am
I get the call. My uncle. He wants to know where I've been, because I am two hours late to work. I tell him that I've had a kind of disastrous morning, but that I'm here now and I'm working. He wants to know why my morning was so bad. I ask him if I can tell him later. No, he wants to know if something happened to the car. Again, the crying. He hands the phone off to my aunt who is asking me what has to happen, and I can hear my uncle shrieking in the background.
So my aunt tells me to write a letter, sign her name, and ask the notary in the office down the hall to notarize it for me. So that's what I did. Then I work all day, and in between getting yelled at and crying and being given the same spreadsheet to reformat 10 times in a row and crying some more, all I can think about is getting drunk.
At some point maybe I eat a bagel from the office freezer but food is definitely not at the top of my list right now.
5:30pm
Finally, it's time to leave and I am SO ready to be drunk. I take my champagne in its shiny gift bag and the vodka in another, I'm wearing two pairs of socks, pants, boots, a down jacket and a northface shell, two hoods, and gloves and I drop the other car back off at their house.
I am really feeling like a homeless person at this point because I'm walking the streets with all the clothing I have, bags of booze, I haven't really eaten at all, I certainly haven't showered since Saturday, and once I get to the station and get on the train, I still don't know where I am going.
So, I'm freezing my ass off waiting for that train... it's about 15 degrees now because the sun is down. I'm like, what can I do to keep warm? I know, I can act like a complete and utter lunatic and run laps around the Kenilworth train station. So I do that for about 4o minutes until the train comes.
I decide that it's only costing me $10 to leave the car in the pound, so better to leave it there and get hammered. It's night time and I'm a mess. Some nice guy shows me how to get from the station to the blue line, and I am on my way. I get up to Courtney's and I make the announcement that we are drinking tonight.
And we drink and it is fantastic. It is everything anyone ever wanted drinking to be
It's pure joy, just lovely, this must be what heaven is like.
Smoke the hookah... eat 3 bites of some delivery and pass out.
It's pure joy, just lovely, this must be what heaven is like.
Smoke the hookah... eat 3 bites of some delivery and pass out.
12/18/07
Tuesday: Day 4 of the 4 worst days of my life
7:00am
I'm feeling a little wobbly as I make my way to the bathroom and I'm wondering if I'm maybe still a little drunk. I know that the answer to that question is without a doubt, yes, when I find myself washing the front of my hair with shampoo over the sink. Somehow I got directions to the impound lot, which is in an area of town I have never been to, and I set out to find it.
It took me 2 trains, 1 bus, and 1 mile of walking in a bad area where no one shovels their sidewalks. When I finally get to the pound, the woman on the other side of the counter tells me that they can't release the car to me because the letter is not from the owner of the car, it's from his wife.
At that point I don't know what to do. That's not like, I don't know what to do to solve this situation, that's like, I don't know how to blink, I don't know how to move, I don't know how to speak. If breathing weren't involuntary functions, I probably wouldn't know how to do that either. I have no idea where I am, I have no idea how to get to the office from here.
I'm just staring at this lady with my mouth hanging open. Finally I manage to tell her that I don't know what to do. She says that I need to go get another letter... if only it were that easy. I tell her that I needed to see the supervisor. It took about two hours of finagling and this poor lady even had to talk to my mom on the phone, but finally she decided that she was going to do whatever it took to get me that car.
Now, just so you know, there are signs in that little trailer that let you know that you are being recorded on video and audio tape. This supervisor lady pulls me close and says to me, come in the back so that they can't hear us. So she takes me into a room and tells me the plan.
This is what we're going to do.
You're going to white out "my husband," so that it just reads:
Vehicle belonging to "Uncle's Name"
Then you're going to sign his name
Fax it to the notary, and have her fax it back.
Then I'm going to give you the car.
You better not be a reporter.
You're going to white out "my husband," so that it just reads:
Vehicle belonging to "Uncle's Name"
Then you're going to sign his name
Fax it to the notary, and have her fax it back.
Then I'm going to give you the car.
You better not be a reporter.
So that's what we did. And I got the car back. I would have written her a love letter but I didn't want there to be any evidence that she was breakin the law, breakin the law.
And then I went 10 minutes in the wrong direction and sat in traffic for a while.
And I ignored a few "unavailable" phone calls (presumably international).
12:30pm
I stopped at the store to get some coffee and flowers for the notary who totally broke the law twice for me.
4:30pm
I forwarded the phones to my cell and left early. There was nothing left to do because I finished it ahead of schedule, and Courtney and I wanted to go to a museum and dinner. We went to Quartino, which I highly recommend for first dates and pre-gaming with friends.
10:00pm
I find a legal parking spot around the corner from Courtney's apt, and I call the police to make sure it's legal. Then I go into the bar on teh corner to make sure it's legal. Then I call city information to make sure it's legal. So far so good.
I pack up all my stuff for my trip home and set it by the door.
1:00am
Totally and completely drained, I go to bed around... but I only sleep for about 2 hours. I wake up and I'm freaking out thinking I might die because I'm seeing this white light like a lighthouse beam in both eyes and it wont go away whether my eyes are open or closed.
3:00am
I call my mom, she is not too pleased that I am calling her repeatedly at 5 in the morning, but she's my mom, so she tries to calm me down.
4:30am
I write this email to my aunt:
Right now I can't sleep because I'm scared that I might die tomorrow because of all the bad things that have happened. Also, both of my eyes are very itchy, and ive never had pink eye so I don't know if I have it. I might need a number to a doctor in case I have to go there during lunch. I do remember where Evan's dr is, but they probably don't see new 25 year old patients afflicted with temporary hypocondria.
Maybe you could call me if you get this soon? I'm hoping to fall asleep, but I'm not sure that's happening. If you can't, we will be in touch later.
Thanks
Maybe you could call me if you get this soon? I'm hoping to fall asleep, but I'm not sure that's happening. If you can't, we will be in touch later.
Thanks
12/19/07
Wednesday
6:30am
I get up, dressed and take all my things outside. I'm walking down the street and I can see the corner... and I can see partway down the block. And there are no cars. And I can see more... no cars, and just as im about to lay down in the middle of the road (not that there are any cars at this hour), I see the beautiful Volvo all alone, just where I left it. The relief is overwhelming.
So I lug my stuff over and load it into the car.
7:30am
I am in the office with starbucks and headed down to the gym for a mini-workout to get my blood flowing and then, hurray, my first shower since SATURDAY! Unbelievable... the warm water felt so good on my dirty, tired, perpetually cold and worn out body.
12:00pm
Get car washed to remove impound lot markings
Call doctors office for emergency xanax prescription in order to get myself on an airplane.
Drop car back in aunt and uncle's driveway, taxi back to office
5:30pm
I finally lock up the office and bring my bags down to the taxi that is taking me to the airport. We stop at CVS so that I can get my Rx, then we stop at whole foods so that I can get some food, finally.
6:30pm
I get to the airport and find out that my flight is delayed, so I pop a pill and wash it down with a beer at one of the airport bars. When I finally get on the plane, there is a strange noise and the captain gets on the mic and announces that in case we hear or see anything funny, it's just that they are going to have to start the left engine with some machine and then start the right engine from the left. But don't be alarmed.
UM, are you serious? I'm alarmed. I'm up and out of my seat and asking this flight attendant how common that is and all kinds of other questions. She's finding this pretty annoying until I tell her that I've just had the worst week of my life and I'm afraid I'm going to die. Then she gave me a pep talk like none other about being a stronger person and learning and growing and having faith. So I sat back down and I let them take me home to New Jersey in their machine-started plane with a broken-sounding engine.
New ticket $179.40
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Europe: the longest unfinished article ever written
Imagine waking up to the scent of flowers and freshly baked pastries, and stepping through double doors onto a sunny balcony to enjoy a bird’s eye view of the south of France. Around you are rooftop gardens and terra cotta tiles high above the busy streets, the white stone beach on one side, and the mountains on another. No, this isn’t the Ritz Carlton; it is simply a student hotel near the train station in Nice. Amazingly enough you too can afford to visit the most beautiful places in the world. At 27 Euros a night, this room, equipped with two double beds, comes with a table, mini-kitchen and private bathroom. Now all you need is a reason to leave.
Start your European vacation by booking a flight. Beware websites like Priceline.com. While the idea of naming your own price may sound good and save you money, you could end up naming your own price again for a replacement ticket if something happens and you miss your flight or a connection.
Many airlines such as US Airways offer E-Savers. These special deals come to you via email and allow you to book cheap flights at the last minute. For example, you are sitting around at mom and dad’s air-conditioned house in July, watching the grass grow outside when you decide to check your email. At last, an E-saver for roundtrip tickets to Amsterdam for only $399. Perfect! You’ve been waiting for this all summer! Call up your two pals and book that flight.
Some other places you might want to check for travel arrangements are Oneworld.com or staralliance.com, which offer around the world fares at low prices, Airhitch.org—somehow you hitchhike over the Atlantic legitimately. If you want some help with the overall trip try Student Travel Association at STA.com. They can provide assistance with things like luggage, cell phones, travel insurance and other important but sometimes overlooked ingredients for a successful trip.
You may be tempted to plan your whole trip before you leave home, but it’s better to wait until you are on European soil to make most of your travel arrangements. Airlines in Europe offer amazingly cheap airfare that isn’t really accessible stateside. The best European airlines offering flights which range from about $10—yes, ten dollars to $170 are Ryan Air, Easy Jet, and Sky Europe. Just add a www. and a .com to those names and you will enter the world of European airfare.
Another important site to go to is www.raileurope.com to get a Eurailpass and train schedules. You can buy your Eurailpass from America before you go and it will be shipped. The Eurostar ticket from Paris to London will be $45, and you can book that ahead of time, other than that, you may be better off waiting until you are in Europe to decide whether you will be flying or riding the train. There are internet cafés on every street in most cities where you can buy time and use computers for anything you would like to do.
Once you have booked your roundtrip ticket to Europe, you should make a loose itinerary. A good one would be Amsterdam to London to Paris to Nice to Pisa to Florence to Sicily to Rome to Greece to Switzerland to Prague and back to Amsterdam. Now you can plan the first week of your tour in detail. It’s a good idea to start in the city you fly into, so book a room in Amsterdam.
A few places to try are Hans Brinker for E24, The Flying Pig—a hostel, Acacia Hotel, and Van Onna, all located on the Central Canal Ring and close to many attractions and nightlife. Acacia Hotel offers a small houseboat which sleeps four, while Hans Brinker has its own bar and disco. If you are looking for something a little more scandalous, try the Bulldog Hotel in the Red Light District for about E28.
So you have a place to stay in Amsterdam, and you will be there for three nights. Now you will book your flight to London and a Hotel there. You won’t believe your eyes when you see that you can fly Ryan Air for only E6.99. Yes, that does equal about nine US Dollars. Including taxes and handling fees, the whole thing will be about E32. That’s half the price of a train ticket, so obviously you’re going to want to fly. You will be in London for
Hotels—along with everything in London are more expensive than anywhere else in Europe because the pound is worth more, so don’t worry when you try to book at hotel there and see that it’s not cheap. The recently refurbished Brindle House Hotel has private bathrooms and breakfast for about £25 per person. The Regent Palace Hotel is conveniently located near most tourist attractions, and is £33 with breakfast. You will be in London about three nights, so you can book your $45 Eurostar ticket for the Chunnel as well as a hotel in Paris.
A few nicely located and well priced choices are: Hotel des Saints Peres, Hotel Marignan, Hotel Gay-Lussac, and Hotel le Central. Each of these will set you back no more than 25 Euros per person including breakfast. Some of their features include internet access, fireplaces, and views of the Siene. Pretty good deals considering that a dorm style hostel runs about 20 Euros per person wherever you go. That’s enough planning for now. Everything else should be done after you arrive.
It is a good idea to buy a few travel books before you go and think about the major things you want to see. A few great books are Let’s Go, Lonely Planet, and Eye Witness. Let’s Go is written by Harvard students and directed toward what is ___, ___, and cheap. Lonely Planet has a variety of books with the aim of, “Insane Journeys, Responsible Travel.” Eye Witness is a very thorough look at everything you will want to see in a city using full color photographs, and three dimensional maps. Eyewitness guides show what other guides tell. For example, it will provide a floor plan and cross-section of the inside of Le Louvre and point out exactly where the most important pieces are. In it you will also find visual guides to currency and detailed and mapped walking tours.
Some other things you will need are: a huge travel backpack with many compartments and straps, an adapter and converter for plugging electronics into foreign outlets, a small pillow and a sheet or microscopic sleeping bag, extra batteries and film for your camera, charger for your iPod, earplugs, plastic bags, a passport and money holder, travelers checks, a lock, a water bottle, walking shoes, and a raincoat.
Packing is a conflict of interests because you want to bring a lot of clothing and gear etc; but you don’t want to carry it all over Europe. You might say to yourself, “self, I will be away for three weeks so I need 21 outfits,” but that is wrong. Instead say to yourself, “self, I should bring ten outfits. That will be enough.”
The rule of good packing is never to bring any two things that could pass for one. If they look the same they are the same, so leave one at home. There are laundry facilities all over the place and in some hotels. This means yes, you can get away with one pair of jeans! Just pick the right ones. Also, you don’t need three black shirts, or khaki shorts because you can wear the same ones all the time and no one would ever know the difference. You can make due with one pair of sweatpants and one sweatshirt. Bring the clothing you wear most at home and you wont mind wearing it for three weeks abroad. The only things you should have multiples of are undergarments and everyday shirts.
SIDEBAR:
Packing List:
1 Bathing suit
1 Towel
Suntan lotion
Sunglasses
Flip flops
Sandals
10 pairs of underwear
10 pairs of Socks
4 regular Bras
2 sports bras
5 Tank tops
5 Tee-shirts
2 Going out shirts
1 casual skirt
1 going out skirt
2 pairs of Shorts
1 pair of Capris
Shampoo
Body wash
Face soap
Face Lotion
Body Lotion
Floss
Toothpaste
Toothbrush
Razors
Deodorant
Shaving cream
Makeup remover
Very little Makeup
Hat
1 pair of high Heels/
Dress shoes
1 pair of good Sneakers
Camera
iPod
Chargers
Book
Medicines
Empty Duffel Bag
Now that you have crossed the Atlantic, step one is getting from the airport to your hotel. Trains from the Schiphol Airport to Amsterdam’s Central Station run seven times per hour between 6:00 am and 1:00 pm, after which they run every hour. Most places in Amsterdam will have a service charge for credit card use and cash is much preferred, so make sure to have Euros handy.
When you arrive in Amsterdam, check into your hotel first, freshen up, and ask the front desk where you can go to get a bite to eat if you are hungry. You will probably be feeling quite jetlagged, but it is best to get in a little bit of touring the first afternoon and wait for nighttime to sleep so that you adjust to the time difference. Try a self guided tour of the Central Canal Ring. Maps are available at the airport and in any of the travel books listed in this article.
One of the sites you will not want to miss is the Van Gogh Museum which houses the largest collection of Van Gogh’s art as well as writings, and tributes to the artist. This visit would be a good idea for your first day in Amsterdam. Follow with some food and drink at Foodism and you will be ready to head back to your hotel for a good night’s sleep. Day one total: 55 Euro
Amsterdam is known for many things, but the most popular with young tourists tend to be the ones which involve drinking, drugs and sex. Why not get some of this out of your system right away on the first full day.
Eat breakfast at your hotel because it’s free, and then head out to see some sites. You’ll definitely want to go to The Heineken Experience, (open 10-5 Tuesday though Sunday) for a tour of the now-unused beer factory with the reward of free beer for visitors—with the 10 euro admission fee. You can take trams 16, 24 or 25 and get off at heinekenplein. If you need drunk food, go to Vlaas Friteshuis for Amsterdam’s favorite French fries—complete with a variety of toppings. Next try the Sexmuseum on Damrak, Amsterdam’s “Main Street,” and the Hash Marihuana and Hemp Museum in the heart of the Red Light District. The Hash museum is the only one of its kind and police raid it from time to time confiscating exhibits. While marijuana is not officially legal here, police are lenient, so head to the Red Light District for some space cakes and hash brownies, sold at coffee shops like Grey Area, Greenhouse, and Bulldog.
When you’ve had your fill of booze, bongs and naked bodies, you might need to head back to the hotel for a late afternoon nap. When you re-enter the waking world, you will probably be hungry. Try Haesje Claes for some inexpensive, but high quality Dutch cuisine. Clubs here do not open until 11:00 pm and don’t really get going until 1:00 am, so feel free to enjoy a late dinner and take your time getting ready to go out.
Dansen Bij Jansen is a packed dance club for students, so bring your student ID with you. Young, trendy, yet unpretentious crowds like to party at Mazzo. Odeon is good for those who prefer a variety of music. Its three floors each offer a different genre ranging from club to classic rock, to jazz. These clubs stay open until 4:00 am during the week and 5:00 am on the weekend, and according to Eyewitness Travel Guide, it is customary to tip the bouncer on your way out. Day two total: 75 Euro
Sleep late the next day, and then take a walk on the canal to find a vendor serving lunch. That is a cheap way to fill up so that you can save your money for a better dinner tonight. Since yesterday was all about fun, the agenda for today is more serious: the Anne Frank house. More than 800,000 visitors come to this site each year. It is a guided tour through the house and annex where the Frank family hid for two years during World War II. Open from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm year-round, the Anne Frank house is an important part of history not to be missed, but leave your cameras behind, as photographs are not permitted. Have a snack and go to the Rembrandt Museum with a collection of artwork valued in the billions.
Tonight you might want to eat at De Roode Leeuw in the Hotel Amsterdam. Go out again tonight and enjoy your last night in Amsterdam because tomorrow it is off to London. Day three total: 50 Euro.
Get up early and take the bus back to the airport for your flight to London. Eat the food they give you on the airplane rather than spending money on airport food. When you arrive in London, you will want to buy a subway card. Since you will be there for three nights, you will want to buy a card for that amount of time, and don’t buy it from a stranger. Check into your hotel and then take the T to the West End where you will stand on line in Leicester Square for discount theater tickets. Mamma Mia is excellent and you can see it here for one third of the price of its Broadway counterpart. Find a place like Pollo or Stockpot, where you can get large lunches for less than £6.
Then go to Westminster Abbey to see the flying buttresses and the tombs of many famous historical figures and then head over to the Tower of London. If there is anything in London not-to-be-missed, it is this tour. Here you will learn about beheadings, love affairs, escaped prisoners, guards paid in meat—think Beefeater gin, and see the royal crown jewels. After the Tower of London, go to the National Gallery for a free afternoon activity before dinner.
Pod Sushi is a fun way to eat, and started at Yo Sushi in London. There are no waiters or waitresses here, you just wait at your seat for a conveyor belt to bring every kind of sushi there is along with appetizers and other treats. The bowls are color coded according to price, so you know how much you are spending as you eat. Press a button for the robot to come around to serve drinks. After dinner, take the T back to the West End for the show you bought tickets for. You can go out to a bar like Bricklayers Arms tonight or a club such as Fabric. If you need some late-night food, Brick Lane Beigle Bake is the place to go. Don’t forget, it’s okay to just go back and relax at your hotel, because sightseeing is a hard job. Day four total: £60-70 including tickets to show.
Make sure you wake up in time to eat breakfast at the hotel, and eat as much of it as possible because London is expensive and this food is free with your stay. After you eat, get to Kensington Palace early to get a good spot to watch the changing of the guard at 11:30 am. Then go to Notting Hill to have lunch and explore London a little. Sausage & Mash Café on Portobello Road also known as S&M has 20 different kinds of sausage to choose from (including vegetarian) and a variety of mash and gravy. When in Rome… or London.
Later, get out your map and do a self guided walking tour of Big Ben, London Bridge, Parliament, Millennium Bridge, and the London Eye. Moving on, Dali Universe is a sensational museum with over 500 pieces of his work on display including the famous Mae West Lips Sofa and the piece with the Lobster Telephones.
Have dinner at Rock and Sole Plaice famous for their fish and chips—and then have a few drinks and mingle with the natives. They don’t bite unless you want them to. Day five total: £55.
On the third day, take a walk in Hyde Park to enjoy the beautifully manicured lawns and gardens, and then see the Tate Modern Museum to which admission is free. The Tate houses the “definitive collection” of English art from the 16th to the 20th centuries. Stroll through Piccadilly Circus and have lunch there. You can do some shopping at Harrods, or just admire the store in all its splendor. Then have tea and buy some to bring home at the most famous Tea store in the world, Fortnum & Mason.
After this, go to the free Victoria and Albert Museum to see the world’s largest collection of decorative arts. That means furniture, fashion, ceramics and sculpture. Maybe when you get your first apartment, you can draw decorating ideas from the Victoria and Albert. Or you can go to the not-free Fashion and Textile Museum to see a huge collection of influential designer fashions from the 1950s to the present.
Have one last typical London dining experience at Wagamama's. This is a chain of Japanese noodle shops serving up quick and delicious cheap meals—only £6. Try the Ebi Gyoza (deep fried dumplings filled with king prawn, water chestnut and spinach) or the Amai Udon dish (sweet and sour wheat flour noodles with egg, tofu and vegetables). Tomorrow will be a long day, so head back and get a good night’s sleep before journeying to Paris.
Today, eat breakfast and take the T to the train station where you will whiz through the Chunnel to Paris in only 2 hours and 35 minutes. When you arrive in Paris, check into your hotel.
Since the hotels above are all near Le Louvre, it will be easy for you to spend the morning (and the E8.50 admission) at the museum and then break for lunch near the river. Street vendors selling crepes abound, but for a more nutritious alternative try a galette, similar to a crepe but made with buckwheat flour and filled with hearty ingredients.
You should buy tickets for a guided boat tour that night, and then return to Le Louvre for the afternoon. Freshen up, and take a walk around the neighborhood to find a restaurant with a menu that appeals to you. “Tiny restaurants with rock-bottom prices jockey for space and customers” are all over the 6eme, so you shouldn’t have a problem finding something cheap and good to eat. Le Grenier de Notre Dame is good for vegetarian food, offering a three-course meal for 12.50 Euro. If you are looking for traditional cuisine, dine on French home cooking with locals at Au Pied de Fouet. Another nearby alternative is Creperie Saint Germaine which serves filling crepes with ingredients like chicken, beef, vegetables and of course, nutella.
Then go back to the marina where you will take the night-time tour of all the bridges across and beautiful buildings on the banks of the Seine. If you have the energy to go out tonight, it’s more about dressing up and being seen at the clubs than hot DJs and great drinks. Especially popular are Bus Palladium in the 9eme and Fu Bar in the 6eme where Tuesday is student night with half priced martinis. If you would rather stay close to home-base tonight, enjoy a glass or five of wine for about two Euros each in the candle-lit cellar at Chez Georges. Day six total: 55 to 65 Euros.
Day two will involve a lot of walking, so wear your comfortable shoes and clothing. Don’t forget that you are in Paris and your white sneakers and college tee-shirt will get you nothing but dirty looks and poor service. Tonight is a splurge night, so don’t spend more than a few minutes fretting about it because you’re about to have a great time! Order your tickets to Moulin Rouge early over the phone, enjoy your free hotel breakfast, and head out for the day.
Take a free tour of the Jardin du Luxembourg, and check out Place Vendome to see a bronze Napoleon atop a tall column. Walk down the Champs-Elysees stopping at Place de la Concorde, Paris’ largest and most infamous public square with wonderful views. Continue on to see the ceremony for the tomb of the Unknown Soldier at the Arc de Triomphe and for 4.50 euro visit the museum and climb the 234 steps to the top for a spectacular view of the city.
After all of this walking, you will probably be hungry, but there is still a lot to do, so head to Ile St-Lius for a three course price-fixe lunch of appetizer, soup, or salad, entrée, and dessert at Café Med or Les Fous de l’Ile. After lunch, cross the Pont Marie and tour Notre Dame Cathedral for E4. Next, get ready to see the Eiffel Tower, but unless you want to pay 10 Euros to get to the very top, you may want to simply look at the 7,000 tons of metal held together by 2.5 million fasteners. Riveting, isn’t it?
Once you have enjoyed the “metal asparagus,” make your way to the Catacombs back near your hotel for the E3 tour, and then take a walk around the Opera and the invisible Bastille Prison with its July Column commemorating the French Revolution.
SIDEBAR:
Prisoners of The Bastille were allowed to furnish their suites, bring their own servants and receive guests. Cardinal de Rohan held a dinner party for 20 guests in his cell. Notable prisoners included the Man in the Iron Mask, the Comte de Mirabeau, Voltaire (twice), and the Marquis de Sade, who wrote his notorious novel Justine here.
When you are done touring for the day, go back to your hotel, and take a cat-nap if you have time, and then get dressed for the exciting show at the Moulin Rouge. There are countless cheap sandwich and pizza places in the 9eme, so you can find something to eat there. The E70 ticket gets you admission, and a half-bottle of champagne. Sit back and enjoy the show, but head home afterwards because Montmarte is not a place you want to hang out after dark, plus it’s been a long day and tomorrow will be almost as long. Day seven total: 120 Euro.
Day eight will be a whirlwind of museums and will require a lot of walking, so wear comfortable shoes and clothing again. Enjoy your hotel breakfast as usual, and get back out there. Admission to each of the museums you will see is around E4, so bring some money with you.
Your first stop will be Musee Rodin, right there in the 7eme. It is a beautiful home and garden filled with the artist’s sculpture. Musee Rodin is the favorite museum of Parisians, so expect to be impressed. When you are done here it is time for the converted railroad station, Musee D’Orsay, also a beautiful museum close by. Spend time enjoying the works of Manet, Monet, Renoir, Degas, Van Gogh, Cezanne, Seurat, and Gauguin. These famous artists will put a little bit of culture into your life when you realize you are familiar with their work.
Have lunch at an outdoor café after scouting out a place with inexpensive food. Your next stop is the Musee Picasso, a truly inspiring, and massive, collection of Picasso’s art arranged in chronological order.
The next museum on your list is Le Centre Pompidou, where the building itself is a work of modern art and the inside is filled with 20th century art. When you are done here, you can sit down and take a breather, because you are done for the day. Go enjoy a fun dinner and a lot of French wine. By now, you will have realized that wine is cheaper than water in France. Day eight total: 65 Euro
Awake refreshed and revived. Today is your free day to shop, walk, sunbathe, swim and relax. Sleep late, walk to a patisserie for un pain chocolat and un café (chocolate croissant and coffee). Take a walk on Rue du St. Honore for some high class window shopping, then walk through the shops and galleries on the Ile St.-Luis.
Once you leave the Seine islands take the Metro to Lena, or walk west along the right bank until you reach Lena. Here you will find the Musee de la Mode et du Costume. This is the Museum of Fashion and Clothing. Very interesting historical exhibits featuring dressed mannequins take you on a tour of 30,000 men’s and women’s outfits and 70,000 accessories.
After this museum, have lunch and enjoy the rest of the day shopping on Rue Ettienne-Marcel, the Marais, and St.-Germaine-des-Pres which will lead you back to your hotel. Have a nap, dinner, and why not go out to a club tonight? Day nine total: 60 Euro not including shopping expenses.
Versailles, Versailles, today is the day of the gardens at Versailles. All I can say about Versaille is that it had better not be raining. Well, that’s not all I can say. There are a few options for this day trip, and they all start with breakfast at the hotel. Either go to a store or a café so that you can pack a lunch and snacks because if you get hungry while you are there, you will be forced to buy overpriced tourist food. Take the RER train from Invalides for E5.20 roundtrip.
One hour later, you will arrive at the Versaille Rive Gauche Station. Go to the Chateau to get a self-guided tour map and entry ticket from the Tourist office. The price for the whole day is E7.50 for the palace and E3 for the gardens. If you get there after 3:30pm, it is only E5.30 for the palace and after 6pm, it is free to get into the gardens which do not close until sunset. After that, you get to go back to Paris and have dinner. Lucky you! Day 10 total: 65 Euro
Enjoy your last day in Paris. Pack everything, and check out. Leave your bags with the desk and spend the day in the city. You might want to return to your favorite sites, eat something crazy like escargot or something not so crazy like fondue. You can even get these dishes in the 6eme at an inexpensive restaurant. Go back to your hotel and get a cab to the airport. It’s time to fly to Nice, and imagine this: it’s only E50.
You should plan to arrive in the early evening. Check into your hotel and take a walk around to a nearby café. Have dinner at Le Restaurant d’Angleterre where E12 will get you bread, salad, entrée, side dish, dessert and an after dinner cordial. After dinner take a walk on the stone beach.
The next day, get up nice and early to go to the Musee National Message Biblique Marc Chagall. This will be 5.20 and will take you about an hour or maybe two. Then take the free bus between the Chagall Museum to the Musee Matisse. After the museums, explore a little and eat Saccos from a street vendor for lunch. Walk down the hill and take a little tour of the area. Walk around the historical heart of Nice, Vieux Nice and experience the shops and locals. Go back to your hotel to shower and get dressed for the casinos.
You can either have dinner in Nice before you go, or you can take the train to Cannes and eat there near the water. Don’t eat on the water unless you want to pay more for the same food. Check out the extravagant stores lining the streets and then go back to the train station. Next stop: Monte Carlo. This is the richest place in the world. The grand prix is held here every year, and the harbor is full with yachts, speedboats, and cruise ships. The hilly landscape is covered in hotels, homes and shops. Near the water are the casinos. They are beautiful and elegant, read: no shorts or tee-shirts unless dolce and gabanna sewed them by hand. You might want to just take a look around if you don’t want to lose any money, but if you want to gamble, there are many many rooms in which to do so. Have fun!
The next day, after breakfast, check out of your hotel and store your bags there. Spend the day on the beach after all, this is the south of France. Then have dinner, get your bags, and proceed to the train station where you will take the overnight train to Pisa.
Store your bags at the station in Pisa. This will cost about__, but you’re not going to be there for very long. First, get breakfast because you will be starving. Then take the bus from the train station to the tower. It is very easy to do, but make sure you get on the right bus as there are about 15 to choose from.
When you arrive, buy tickets to go on the tour of the leaning tower. You will probably laugh when you first see the tower, because it’s huge and it really is leaning and you’ll say all that out loud. Then you will feel like an idiot because you already knew it was leaning, everyone knows that it’s leaning, so you’ll laugh more, this time at yourself.
While you wait for your tour, walk through the booths of souvenirs and walk around the plaza. In a way it looks like the Mall in Washington D.C. with large white buildings separated by clean-cut rectangular grass with sidewalks running in straight lines. Walk around the Baptisery and the Duomo. Both are very nice, but the real draw is obviously the tower. Walk out of the plaza and since this is your one day in Pisa, have lunch at Antica Tratoria Da Bruno for authentic Pisan cuisine. Go back to the plaza and get ready for your official tour of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Take the bus back to the train station for the 4:28 train to Santa Maria Novella Station in Florence. Generally, accommodations in Florence may be a bit more expensive than your other stops, but it is possible to find a relatively well priced hotel. Soggiorno Luna Rossa is near Santa Maria Novella, and you can stay there for E30 per person including private bathroom and breakfast. Also try the two separate hotels in one building on Via Faenza: Hotel Nella/Pina has free internet access at E28 per person, and Locanda Giovanna has rooms with garden views for about E28 as well. Neither include breakfast. Another option is Pensione Ottaviani which is directly connected to Hotel Visconti, both with breakfast included and ranging from E27 to E32 per person.
Check into your hotel and relax. Have dinner at Acqua al Due near the Duomo, a small restaurant with amazing food. Bread, salads and wine for everyone and try the assiaggo for E8. This is a selection of five pasta dishes to share with the group. Some choices are fusilli in sweet veal sauce, flat pasta in a creamy four-cheese sauce, thumbprint pasta in Bolognese, and whatever else the chef creates with the fresh ingredients available that day.
Ristorante Il Vegetariano offers fresh vegetarian meals served in a bamboo garden for around E11.
If you feel like going out tonight, put on your club outfit and go to Blob for 2-for-1 happy hour that last until 10pm. After Blob, go to Yab, with reasonably priced drinks, good music and a huge dance floor that fills up around midnight.
In the morning after you wake up nice and early for your free breakfast, get to the Uffizi right away and get tickets for the museum. The line will get long later in the day, so make sure to get there as early as possible. Then shop around in the San Lorenzo flea market. Florence is the place to buy any leather goods you have been wanting like wallets, gloves and jackets. After this morning activity, go to Piazza del Duomo. The Battistero (baptisery), dome and Campanile (tower) took over six centuries to build and nearly a dozen different designers/architects. The Museo dell’Opera del Duomo gives the amazing history of the building including the kitchens, bathrooms, and sleeping quarters built between the layers of the dome so that the masons could stay until the job was completed.
The tour of the Duomo involves 463 steps up to the very top, where you will see the frescoed interior of the dome, Michelangelo’s Lantern, and a view of the city, next climb the 414 steps to the top of the Campanile, and there you have your workout for the day. In all, the Duomo experience is not cheap (E15), but it is well worth the price and should not be missed. No doubt at this point you will be hungry, so take a little walk back to the area near your hotel for lunch. You can find a pizza, or try Amon. This is a to-go only hole in the wall serving freshly made Middle Eastern food like mousaka, falafel, and shish kebab each for under E3.50, cash only.
After lunch, spend the rest of the day at the Uffizi. Here you will see the work of Botticelli, Leonardo, Raphael, and many other Italian Renaissance artisits. The Medici riches are housed here as are various sculptures of famous historical figures including Vespucci, Machiavelli, and Petrarch done by famous historical artists.
Take a walk along the Arno River and around sunset, stand on the Ponte alle Graze, a bridge parallel to the Ponte Vecchio, meaning bridge of gold. From here, the view of the Ponte Vecchio, “melting in the setting sun is nothing less than heart stopping.” This was the only bridge to survive German bombs in WWII because the commander found it too beautiful to destroy and therefore toppled all the nearby buildings making the bridge impassible. After the sun sets, walk across the Ponte Vecchio and browse the numerous vendors lining the bridge. Enjoy the street musicians and then head back for dinner.
Tonight eat at Trattoria da Giorgio, where the fixed menu for E9.50 includes appetizer, entrée, bread, wine, and water. Surprisingly enough, water costs more than wine in many places here. After this long day, you will be hungry, thirsty and tired, so after dinner, go see the street performers at Piazza Della Republica. There is an Italian inscription on the plaza’s enormous arch which in English reads, “Ancient center of the city, squalid for centuries, restored to new life.” At this point, you may be ready to head to bed, so go ahead and do that.
In the morning, go to the Accademia to see Michelangelo’s David. Explore the works of Botticelli, and many of Michelangelo’s other works. Next, wander in the Mercato Nuovo, the New Market. Here you can pet the snout of The Little Pig, thought to bring good luck. Try a nearby café or vendor for lunch, or eat at Danny Rock, where you can get a pizza for E4.
The next stop is the very interesting Piazza Santa Croce. This beautiful Franciscan church holds the tombs of Michelangelo, Vasari, Galileo, Machiavelli, Donatello, the architects who built the Duomo, and an empty place for Dante whose body was never returned to Florence after his death in Ravenna. After the E4 tour, you can wander around the cloister and courtyard.
After this, you can choose to spend the E12.50 for the Palazzo Pitti, which houses the second most important group of art (after the Uffizi), or the Boboli Gardens for E6. If you are tired of museums and artwork, these gardens are delightful. Rows of Cyprus trees, trimmed hedges, lawns, and labyrinths are dotted with statues and fountains. Make sure to see the fountain of Bacchus. And relax for a while in the picnic areas.
Try happy hour from 6:30 to 8:30 at The Chequers Pub, where pints are E2.50, and/or Mayday lounge’s 8-10 happy hour.
Florence is one of the few places in the world where you can get on a train, spend two hours and $200 shopping, and come back with Prada, Gucci, Fendi or Dolce & Gabana goods worth at least a thousand dollars. To get the best items, get there early. The outlets open around 9am, and the train to Montevarchi will take about 40 minutes. For more information, go to www.outlet-firenze.com.
Fly to Catania in Sicily from Florence. There you will take a shuttle to the train station and then take the train to Giardini-Naxos. There are taxis and shuttle buses waiting at the station to take passengers to their hotels. Giardini Naxos was the first Greek colony in Sicily formed on the east coast in 734 BC. A few good hotels are is Hotel la Riva, where you can have a private bath and a small balcony, for only about E22 per person, Hotel Costa Azzurra, and Hotel Villa Mora. They all have free breakfast.
Spend the day at the beach, and snack on fruit and crepes from the nearby shops and cafes. When you’ve had enough of the beach, Take a taxi up the windy roads to the mountaintop town of Taormina. Ask to be dropped off at the base of the town and walk the rest of the way. The sites are impressive and the local people are very friendly. As you walk through the cobblestone streets and ancient archways, you will fall in love with the beauty and history of the town. Go to the Greek theater for a spectacular view of Mount Etna, and then visit the duomo and then join locals relaxing at the public gardens of Villa Comunale.
Have dinner at La Cisterna del Moro, where you can enjoy a stunning view of the beaches and towns below while munching on great food and drinks at good prices. Pizza is only E5, a small price to pay for the chance to dine in such a magnificent location.
Get up early the next day for an all day tour of Mount Etna. This could be the best E50 you spend in your entire young-adulthood. There are many tour operated from Giardini Naxos, but make sure to chose one that is E50 and takes you to a traditional open air market in a small Sicilian town, to a winery for a tour of the vineyards and vats, and then a wine tasting. This, all before taking you up Mount Etna to see the volcano and have a tour of the summit. While you are at the market, buy fresh cheeses and cooked meats, olives and bread. Also stop into a bakery for homemade pastries. Enjoy your purchases on the bus and then take a little nap after the wine tasting.
When you get back from your tour, have dinner and then go for drinks up in Taormina at Caffe Wunderbar—not to be missed. You will probably be tired, that’s what your hotel is for, so enjoy a good night’s sleep.
After breakfast, why not go back to the beach. Then take a walk on the pier and maybe talk to some of the fishermen on their boats. Eat something at one of the cafes or from the friendly markets on the main road. Maybe rent a paddleboat and float out to sea a bit. Take a self-guided walking tour of the Greek City built entirely out of blocks of lava that was only found in the 1960s during excavations to the area.
Have dinner at Angelina, where seafood is served seaside, or Ristorante-Pizzaria Lido da Angelo where dinners start at E6 and are served on a patio over the beach. Then get ready to party at Cabana for a night of dancing, and if you are looking for a late night go over to the lungomare party at V.S. Naxos. This is a hot spot in Giardini-Naxos with live music, popcorn and cotton candy vendors, and many, many people.
Take the train back to the bus back to the airport and fly to Rome. Take the Termini train line from the airport to the main station in Rome. When you arrive in the city, as usual, check into your hotel. Hotel Des Artistes is a higher end hotel with triple rooms that start at E29 per person and go up to E60 per person. Make sure to request the cheapest room possible with a bath and ask for the E10 discount if you can pay cash. This comes with free internet, a buffet breakfast, minifridge, safe, and access to a rooftop terrace. Hotel Cervia runs about E25 per person and includes a hearty breakfast. Another great pick would be Hotel Bolognese, where rooms come with a balcony and one-of-a-kind artwork but not breakfast. Although at E20-E25 per person, you can find breakfast elsewhere.
Today you will be touring the colosseum, Palatine Hill, and the Roman forum first. You can either pay the E3.50 for each of these sights and an English tour, or you can do the whole thing for free but with less information and visuals. Let’s just say you choose the free version. Take a stroll up to the Colle Oppio park to see ruins from the Domus Aurea and a view of the Colosseum. Then walk down to and around the Colosseum, where you can peek inside at many locations. Make sure to stop and look at the Arch of Constantine. Self-tour the 2000 year old ruins of the Roman forum as well as the Mamertine Prison where Peter and Paul were imprisoned near the Arch of Settimo.
Have lunch nearby, but not so near that you pay high tourist prices. Take a short walk from the Coloseum to I Buoni Amici for cheap, excellent and filling Italian food. Risotto and linguini with lobster sauce are each under E7.
After lunch, go see the Spanish Steps and the famous Trevi fountain. Legend has it that if you toss a coin into the fountain, you will return soon. If you toss two, you will fall in love in Rome. This fountain cascades from the back of Palazzo Poli. You may want to take a look at the Keats-Shelley Memorial Museum for E3 showcasing the works of these English Romantic Poets. Enjoy the Renaissance, Egyptian and Baroque statues in the Piazza del Popolo. This is a good place for people watching and again, does not cost a dime—unless of course there is a fountain you would like to throw it in. You might also want to walk over to Piazza Barberini to see Bernini’s Triton Fountain.
Take a break at the hotel and then have dinner at Volpetti Piu. These large portions of salads, pizzas and daily specials will definitely fill you up and are well worth it starting at E4. Tonight, why not go out to Aquarela? E10 cover includes one drink and the party goes till 4am. There are underground tunnels that stay cool even when the party is hot.
After breakfast take the #64 bus to Vatican City. If you happen to be going here on the last Sunday of the month, entrance to the Vatican Museum and the Sistine Chapel is free. Here you can see Michelangelo’s famous ceiling and the Etruscan museum.
For lunch have superb prepared sandwiches or generous helpings of fresh pastas at Franchi. After lunch, take a walk around Vatican City, and then take the bus back to the center of Rome. Go to one of the huge outdoor markets specializing in books and antiques, ethnic foods, fresh and dried fruits, vegetable and meats. Later, go to the Pantheon and Rafael’s tomb and you’re ready for your last Roman dinner before taking the overnight train to go for the casual atmosphere of “Lo Spuntino” da Guido e Patrizia. Here you will find a full meal including wine for E8.
After dinner, you will board the ____ and then sleep your way to Switzerland. This is the only place on your journey where you will stay in a hostel, but it is not for lack of inexpensive hotels, rather for the 50 years of rave reviews about Balmer’s Herbitage in Interlaken. A 15 minute walk from either train station, Balmer’s is convenient and has everything you could ask for. At about 25 US dollars, you can stay in arguably the most fun hotel in all of Europe. With a bar, restaurant and nightclub all in the hostel, it is a great place to meet people and party the night away.
If you would rather stay at a more subdued hotel, book your room at Backpackers Villa Sonnenhof. For about the same price, you get spacious renovated rooms with balconies. You won’t really miss out on the fun if you don’t stay at Balmer’s because you will go there to party at night anyway. Stock up on beer at the Coop Pronto if you want to save while you booze.
For a nice dinner, try the fondue or sausage dishes at Restaurant Chalet Interlaken. Or try Top O’Met for their eight dollar lunch buffet or have dinner for around 10.
Because Switzerland is known for its snow sports, you will unfortunately miss out on skiing in the Swiss Alps on your trip. You can, however, ask your hotel for maps of popular hiking trails in the area. There are also sporting trips offered if you are interested in paying around 80 USD. Try Canyoning, where you jump, slide and repel down rocks and waterfalls. Or try rafting down the class III-IV Lutschine River.
Either stay two nights in Interlaken to party, hike and enjoy the scenery, or try one night in Lucerne on the western bank of Lake Lucerne. Here stay at Backpackers Lucerne for about 25 USD. Make sure to see this Picasso Museum even though you have already seen one. This one displays nearly 200 photographs of Picasso at work and play during the last 17 years of his life. It is imperative that you see the medieval old town and its Chapel and Spreuer Bridges. Have lunch on a rooftop terrace at Manora where you can fill up at their buffet.
Then go to Kunstmuseum to see 20 rooms of 18th and 20th century art and rotating contemporary exhibits. The next museum is the more practical and relevant Hitsorisches Museum. Learn all about Lucerne’s history from folk art and costumes to weapons and 20th century posters and packaging for Swiss products such as chocolate. Have dinner outside by the water at Rathaus Brauerie where they serve huge mugs of homemade beer and some of the most delicious food in town.
Ask anyone who has traveled in Europe and they will tell you that Prague was one of their favorite cities. It is easy to live like royalty here while spending less than anywhere else thus far.
Go to your hotel, check in, clean up and get out there. First you should have something to eat. It’s a must to go to Bohemian Bagel. This is not only the best breakfast deal in Prague; it is also so popular that another location has opened on the other side of town. After lunch, take a walking tour of the Royal Route. Start at the gothic Powder Gate where foreign monarchs, ambassadors and dignitaries were welcomed in old times. Then walk along Celetna Street and see the old Baroque and Rococo houses. At the end of the street, see the unicorn in Old Town Square and then proceed to the Old Town Hall. Have lunch at Klub Architectu where the servings are hearty and vegetarian options are available as is a fixed-price menu.
After lunch, go see some of the galleries on Karlova Street. Next, Knights of the Cross Square where the coronation procession and ceremony took place, then go inside the Old Town Bridge Tower and over the Charles Bridge, then under the Little Quarter towers. See Little Quarter Square and for two USD you can tour the Baroque church St. Nicholas’.
You will end up at the Prague Castle. You can take two different tours for about five dollars each. But you can explore the castle courtyards and gardens, and the cathedral nave for free. You also get to see the changing of the guard every hour.
Possibly the only place in Prague where you can smoke a hookah pipe after dinner is Dahab. This patisserie, tea room, café, and restaurant is a great place to sit and eat a relaxing dinner including wine, dessert, coffee or tea and some puffs on the hookah.
Have hotel breakfast, and then go to the National Gallery for the three USD tour of the country’s best collection of 14th-18th century art. Have lunch at The Black Eagle. Sit outside while you eat generous portions of well prepared traditional Czech food and reputable desserts.
After lunch, go to Sanctuary of Our Lady Loretta. This is an interesting attraction for those who are a little bored of normal art museums. Here, you can see a replica of the Santa Casa, where the Virgin Mary’s mother lived, and a fabulous treasury of religious artifacts encrusted in diamonds, pearls and gold.
Take a walk along the river and explore the shops, markets and galleries and then relax in a park until dinner. If you would like an alternative experience at dinner, try eating in restored 15th-century catacombs at U Madre Ruze, or The Blue Rose. There is something for everyone on this Czech and international menu featuring beef, game, lamb, seafood, and vegetarian dishes. Afterwards, go to Praga Variety or the Eden-Palladium Dance Club to party with the Czech until 5am.
Sleep in today and then pack your bags and check out of the hotel. Store your luggage with the desk and set out. Relish every bit of Prague, the Czech Republic, and Europe as you say your silent goodbyes. Remember the smells, and the sounds. Take in the architecture and the landscapes. Enjoy the crowds and the old streets as you walk over to the New Town. Take a tour of the Hotel Evropa Café and have lunch there. The food is affordable and very good, and the elegant dining room will impress you, as it was the model for the dining room on the titanic. Then walk into the markets and see what’s for sale. You might find fruits, clothing or cars, but it’s probably not a good idea to buy a car at a Prague market. Especially since you will be leaving soon.
See a matinee at the Puppet Theater and then eat your dinner on the floor at the Govinda Vegetarian Club. This Hare Krishna tea room and restaurant serves daily dinner specials for less than 100 korunas, just don’t expect to see a menu.
Are you ready to go home yet? Probably not, but the time has come for you to board the over-night train to Amsterdam. When you arrive, have breakfast at Gary’s Muffins and then take the bus to the airport. Say goodbye to your European Vacation, and get on the plane. Goodnight!
Dating Article
The New Rules are: There are NO Rules
Ask most of your friends and they will tell you they can’t remember the last time they went on a date. What is a date anyway? It would take a presidential committee hearing for this generation to answer that question.
In more genteel days, a boy asked a girl out on a date to the movies, or dinner, maybe bowling or to a concert. He would ask her several days in advance in person or over the phone. The night of the date, the lucky young man rang the girl’s doorbell, met her father, and took her out on their date on the condition that he would bring her back at an agreed upon time. While alone on the date, the boy was presumably nice to the girl and paid for their expenses hoping to get a kiss at the end of the night.
Where did that concept come from, and where has it gone? We would need another committee hearing to figure these two out. Slowly but ever so surely, male-female relationships have plummeted from proper courtship to the convenient satisfaction of loneliness and desire.
The well known dating book, The Rules, stresses that you must not have sex before the fourth date, and that for every four times a man contacts you, he should only get one response. The woman should be chased and the man should not expect instant gratification. What have we gotten ourselves into here? Admit it. Most women have gone after more than a couple guys, maybe even at the same time. Maybe even this week? This is 2006, women do these things. They ask men out, pay, and get down and dirty. But how do you go from dating around to being a couple?
Modern relationships before during and after the college years generally consist of hooking up with the hottest person you are able to attract and hold conversation with. The shortest relationships are mere hours long. You go to a party with some friends, spend the whole time chatting with some stud, and end up quite tipsy and very topless in the back of a cab headed for his place.
Want to try a longer relationship, good luck. During young adult-hood, we are constantly dealt a new hand of potential mates. Usually, they come along through mutual friends and in the cliques we carve out for ourselves. People pair off eventually, but only when it’s time for last call.
The group date has all but replaced the real thing. Here, you are surrounded by friends, somewhat focused on the one you want to get to know more, but also engaged with everyone else. There is no pressure to impress that one special guy with funny stories or successful undertakings, and he isn’t worried about getting you home to daddy with a report of respectful and charming behavior. All you have to do now is throw back a few drinks, smile until your face hurts and make plenty of intense eye contact. Voila, Boy and Girl will leave together and spend the next four weeks playing obligatory games while deciding if they like each other enough to do something without the gang.
It’s hard to say when or how this happened, but take a look at your daily habits and you may see some indicators of this new dating age. Email, text-messaging and instant-messaging have changed the way we communicate. Drastically. This casual form of correspondence has turned formal dating into spur of the moment rendez-vous.
3rd floor of 430 E 5th St: a screenplay
On Apr 12, 2005 11:07 AM, Laina wrote:
> > Oh, sorry, i forgot about the other bill. I can get that to you. Can
> > you clean the pot that you made macaroni and cheese in last wednesday
> > right after you claimed that that other one wasnt yours. Thanks
> >
Tues, Apr 12, 2005 11:46 AM, Roommate wrote:
> Yeah when I get around to it ill do it.
>
Tue, Apr 12, 2005 at 1:42 PM Laina wrote:
>by the time you get around to it, you'll claim that it wasnt yours to
begin with. how about ill pay you your money when i get around to it.
and dont go telling people that i refused to take the bills into my
name. because unless you are completely dillusional, which you may
very well be, you are the one who suggested that we wait until next
month and i never hesitated to accept that proposal.
stop making shit up, stop turning things around. look whos getting
the reality check now.
>
Wed, Apr 13, 2005 at 8:27 AM Roommate wrote:
I also would like my money today. The epoxy was 6 dollars with the
tax, meaning that the total bill was 97.20 - 6 = 91.20. You gave me
50, therefore, I still need 41.20 TODAY. I would also like you to give
me the amount in full, meaning do not give me a partial amount like
you have done in the past. I even want the fucking 20 cents.
Thurs, Apr 14, 2005, at 10:10 AM Roommate wrote:
Laina,
I do not accept bill money in the form of change, meaning you still
owe me 41.20. Please give me my money.
Thu, Apr 14, 2005 at 8:56 PM Laina wrote:
take it or leave it.
Fri, Apr 15, 2005 at 6:27 AM Roommate wrote:
if you do not give me my money i am going to contact the police today.
this is not a joke anymore. i feel as though you are harrassing me and
i have no problem going to get a restraining order again you.
Fri, Apr 15, 2005 at 7:35 AM Laina wrote:
get a grip. im not harassing you. youre harassing me. did you or did
you not put up an away message about me? did you or did you not come
into my room screaming along with your boyfriend. did you or did you
not threaten to key my car, break m belongings, and punch me in the
face? now who's the one with reason to call the police? and anyway,
they would laugh at you when you tell them you're reporting me for
paying you in change. They would find that pretty funny considering
that they work the southside beat and have molesters, robbers and
people stabbing other people. please.
Fri, Apr 15, 2005 at 3:40 PM Roommate wrote:
Laina,
Seeing as how I am having a hard time trusting that you will pay the
final utilities bills that have come in my name, I am going to divide
the last bills up four ways. Everyone in the house has agreed to
collect their portion of what you owe for bills occurred under my name
directly from you. This saves us both the effort of having to deal
with one another and me the financial burden.
I have also taken the change you have repeatedly have left outside my
door, just in case you were wondering where it went. Hopefully the new
arrangement will alleviate me from having to accept money in change
for the final bills and ensure that I receive the money owed on time.
Since the bill situation is now squared away, I hope we have a mutual
understanding to leave one another alone in the future.
> > Oh, sorry, i forgot about the other bill. I can get that to you. Can
> > you clean the pot that you made macaroni and cheese in last wednesday
> > right after you claimed that that other one wasnt yours. Thanks
> >
Tues, Apr 12, 2005 11:46 AM, Roommate wrote:
> Yeah when I get around to it ill do it.
>
Tue, Apr 12, 2005 at 1:42 PM Laina wrote:
>by the time you get around to it, you'll claim that it wasnt yours to
begin with. how about ill pay you your money when i get around to it.
and dont go telling people that i refused to take the bills into my
name. because unless you are completely dillusional, which you may
very well be, you are the one who suggested that we wait until next
month and i never hesitated to accept that proposal.
stop making shit up, stop turning things around. look whos getting
the reality check now.
>
Wed, Apr 13, 2005 at 8:27 AM Roommate wrote:
I also would like my money today. The epoxy was 6 dollars with the
tax, meaning that the total bill was 97.20 - 6 = 91.20. You gave me
50, therefore, I still need 41.20 TODAY. I would also like you to give
me the amount in full, meaning do not give me a partial amount like
you have done in the past. I even want the fucking 20 cents.
Thurs, Apr 14, 2005, at 10:10 AM Roommate wrote:
Laina,
I do not accept bill money in the form of change, meaning you still
owe me 41.20. Please give me my money.
Thu, Apr 14, 2005 at 8:56 PM Laina wrote:
take it or leave it.
Fri, Apr 15, 2005 at 6:27 AM Roommate wrote:
if you do not give me my money i am going to contact the police today.
this is not a joke anymore. i feel as though you are harrassing me and
i have no problem going to get a restraining order again you.
Fri, Apr 15, 2005 at 7:35 AM Laina wrote:
get a grip. im not harassing you. youre harassing me. did you or did
you not put up an away message about me? did you or did you not come
into my room screaming along with your boyfriend. did you or did you
not threaten to key my car, break m belongings, and punch me in the
face? now who's the one with reason to call the police? and anyway,
they would laugh at you when you tell them you're reporting me for
paying you in change. They would find that pretty funny considering
that they work the southside beat and have molesters, robbers and
people stabbing other people. please.
Fri, Apr 15, 2005 at 3:40 PM Roommate wrote:
Laina,
Seeing as how I am having a hard time trusting that you will pay the
final utilities bills that have come in my name, I am going to divide
the last bills up four ways. Everyone in the house has agreed to
collect their portion of what you owe for bills occurred under my name
directly from you. This saves us both the effort of having to deal
with one another and me the financial burden.
I have also taken the change you have repeatedly have left outside my
door, just in case you were wondering where it went. Hopefully the new
arrangement will alleviate me from having to accept money in change
for the final bills and ensure that I receive the money owed on time.
Since the bill situation is now squared away, I hope we have a mutual
understanding to leave one another alone in the future.
Construction workers
The thing about construction workers is that they only work for an hour a day and which hour that is is completely dependent upon what time you need to wake up. So if you have to wake up at 10am, they will work from 9am-10am. If you have to wake up at 8am, they will work from 7am-8am. There's no way around this. How they find out what time you set your alarm for is an industry secret... but I'd like to see that one spilled.
Another thing about construction workers is that they have tools and objects and substances with which to play tricks on you. Or me. Mostly me.
First there was the port-a-potty in my hard-won parking space. That took about 2 weeks to move. And only 2 weeks to return to my spot.
Next there was a water bottle on my window ledge... and then there were two, three, four. I didn't want to be the slob with garbage outside of my window, so I asked the guys to move the water bottles.
I was waiting to be picked up by some friends to go away for the weekend when I asked very very nicely for the worker to move the bottles. Then, when I realized he had no idea what I was saying, I pointed at the bottles, and said something like, please, no.
Bad Idea.
I got back on Sunday afternoon to find approximately 15-20 water bottles on ONLY my ledge. There were 50 other windows on that brick facade. But there was a full on collectors series outside of my window.
So, aggitatedly, I shoved the window up, and then the screen and I knocked one off... but no, I didn't knock it off... it didn't MOVE, so I pulled it, and I pulled another, and yanked and grabbed and attacked those bottles. But they wouldn't move. Those mother fuckers had cemented 2o fucking water bottles to my window ledge. I was positively fuming! Anyone who knows me, I'm sure, can imagine this whole scene. Think flared nostrils, pursed lips, and squinty eyes. Lots of grunting and heavy breathing.
I went directly to the building manager and almost calmly nicely demanded that he instruct the workers to remove every last bottle from my window, remove the port-o-potty from my parking spot, and to never fuck with me again.
They didn't, they were actually quite helpful after that. Especially when my car started doing weird things, like not starting.
Another thing about construction workers is that they have tools and objects and substances with which to play tricks on you. Or me. Mostly me.
First there was the port-a-potty in my hard-won parking space. That took about 2 weeks to move. And only 2 weeks to return to my spot.
Next there was a water bottle on my window ledge... and then there were two, three, four. I didn't want to be the slob with garbage outside of my window, so I asked the guys to move the water bottles.
I was waiting to be picked up by some friends to go away for the weekend when I asked very very nicely for the worker to move the bottles. Then, when I realized he had no idea what I was saying, I pointed at the bottles, and said something like, please, no.
Bad Idea.
I got back on Sunday afternoon to find approximately 15-20 water bottles on ONLY my ledge. There were 50 other windows on that brick facade. But there was a full on collectors series outside of my window.
So, aggitatedly, I shoved the window up, and then the screen and I knocked one off... but no, I didn't knock it off... it didn't MOVE, so I pulled it, and I pulled another, and yanked and grabbed and attacked those bottles. But they wouldn't move. Those mother fuckers had cemented 2o fucking water bottles to my window ledge. I was positively fuming! Anyone who knows me, I'm sure, can imagine this whole scene. Think flared nostrils, pursed lips, and squinty eyes. Lots of grunting and heavy breathing.
I went directly to the building manager and almost calmly nicely demanded that he instruct the workers to remove every last bottle from my window, remove the port-o-potty from my parking spot, and to never fuck with me again.
They didn't, they were actually quite helpful after that. Especially when my car started doing weird things, like not starting.
A small story
My whole life I thought that there were two kinds of shrimp... the blue ones and the pink ones. Then I ordered from Fresh Direct and was disappointed to see that they gave me the blue ones. I cooked them anyway, and wouldn't you know... they turned pink!
A few of my weird dreams
1:
I was part of a traveling singing family with 10-15 kids, but we weren't actual human. We went to this one place and stayed in the pool the whole time. I fell in love with a waspy human boy named Hank Hill, but someone was after him and he had to hide under the water and I had to give him air. Then someone finally got him safe from the people who wanted him. Then I was telling this story to people as I was with a girlfriend and we were staying with a really rich girl and her boyfriend. We went out to the east village and passed the Argentinian place my old boss, Paulette, took me to. (They have fantastic empenadas... it's in alphabet city... go there!) Then we got to where we were going and there was such a line that guess it took us until dinner time to eat. While we waited in line, I pointed out a guy who looked like Hank Hill and then all laughed at how waspy he looked. We were so sick of waiting that we went upstairs to the bar area for some appetizers and we were getting full because it was so much food. It was something that looked like orzo in slimy yellow stuff. Then I went back to their giant house and it was the next morning. But on my way there I drove past the Broadway Diner in NJ and tried to figure out if I gave Emily good directions, but I remembered that she had gone there and told me that the food was good. This time, the restaurant was just a big pile of dirt with a yellow machine truck. I was so shocked that I stopped short and got cream cheese in my eye. I got back and ate some gummy worms and realized that the night before I had returned a phone call to a boy and we had been on the phone for 2.5 hours but I didn't remember any of it. I also didnt remember drinking anything. My friends got home and started telling me all about the night...
2:
I was giving my sister, Val, and her friend, Rori, a tour of the house where I was babysitting. The parents' bedroom was a split level with a red velvet picnic trampoline room up in the top part and a floral bowling alley. After the tour, we went outside and there were police there because the au pair was sick. The name for au pair was "sut"
3:
I was meeting a guy from the internet and I was scared so I was prepping myself on how to get out of a bad situation and at one point I was actually talking to a police officer in French about why I had to slice the internet guy open or hurt him in some way with my Wii remote control that looked like a mezzuzah that slides open. Then I met the guy and I didn't know what type of place I was going to, but it turned out to be his apartment. That freaked me out and it was totally decorated like he moved into someone's grandma's apartment with stained glass birds and other weird things on display. He also liked Wii.
I was part of a traveling singing family with 10-15 kids, but we weren't actual human. We went to this one place and stayed in the pool the whole time. I fell in love with a waspy human boy named Hank Hill, but someone was after him and he had to hide under the water and I had to give him air. Then someone finally got him safe from the people who wanted him. Then I was telling this story to people as I was with a girlfriend and we were staying with a really rich girl and her boyfriend. We went out to the east village and passed the Argentinian place my old boss, Paulette, took me to. (They have fantastic empenadas... it's in alphabet city... go there!) Then we got to where we were going and there was such a line that guess it took us until dinner time to eat. While we waited in line, I pointed out a guy who looked like Hank Hill and then all laughed at how waspy he looked. We were so sick of waiting that we went upstairs to the bar area for some appetizers and we were getting full because it was so much food. It was something that looked like orzo in slimy yellow stuff. Then I went back to their giant house and it was the next morning. But on my way there I drove past the Broadway Diner in NJ and tried to figure out if I gave Emily good directions, but I remembered that she had gone there and told me that the food was good. This time, the restaurant was just a big pile of dirt with a yellow machine truck. I was so shocked that I stopped short and got cream cheese in my eye. I got back and ate some gummy worms and realized that the night before I had returned a phone call to a boy and we had been on the phone for 2.5 hours but I didn't remember any of it. I also didnt remember drinking anything. My friends got home and started telling me all about the night...
2:
I was giving my sister, Val, and her friend, Rori, a tour of the house where I was babysitting. The parents' bedroom was a split level with a red velvet picnic trampoline room up in the top part and a floral bowling alley. After the tour, we went outside and there were police there because the au pair was sick. The name for au pair was "sut"
3:
I was meeting a guy from the internet and I was scared so I was prepping myself on how to get out of a bad situation and at one point I was actually talking to a police officer in French about why I had to slice the internet guy open or hurt him in some way with my Wii remote control that looked like a mezzuzah that slides open. Then I met the guy and I didn't know what type of place I was going to, but it turned out to be his apartment. That freaked me out and it was totally decorated like he moved into someone's grandma's apartment with stained glass birds and other weird things on display. He also liked Wii.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
The Waxident
I was going to get my first ever bikini wax during what I refer to as my 2nd freshman year of college. But I'm seriously a baby when it comes to pain, so I did what a lot of moms do for their babies... I got the numbing cream, EMLA. So I get home from the gym, I shower, I take the cream and apply it everywhere 30 minutes before my appointment with Kuniko. Then, as the instructions say to do, I cover the area with saran wrap and seal it with medical tape. I put my underwear on over my plastic diaper and get in my dad's new car.
I'm driving down Parker Ave, noticing that I'm driving a little slower than normal as I approach the flashing yellow light by the high school, where a mob of Maplehoodlums are loitering, when I see this guy on his cell phone stopped at the flashing red light to my left. Then this guy decides that my car, my numbing diaper, and I are all invisible and T-bones me. Grreat.
It was like being on Jerry Springer with all those kids running over and screaming and shouting and letting me know that they saawd that and I aint got nothin to worry bout cause he hit me and they gon tell the police... great, the police. So I'm not the kind of person who cares about things like bringing my driver's license with me or worrying about getting in trouble for things... because everything is fixable and you can basically do anything you want until someone tells you that you cant... but don't ask first!
Anyway, the police are like, are you okay blah blah blah, license and registration please... and I'm like... umm can I call my mom and have her bring it? So I'm still sitting there in my plastic diaper trying to answer all their questions without getting out of the car, but they basically make me get out and I can hear the saran wrap crinkling in my pants and its very uncomfortable. So I give them my documentation (which isnt exactly perfectly in order but thats a whole other issue with my dad), they tow the car, and my mom drives me to my appointment, which means that now I have to tell her where I was going and why.
Until the day I found out that she secretly retired, and all I could do was say, "NO NO NO NO" and "why? when? what am I going to do? I CANT BELIEVE THIS!" and then back to "NO NO NO NO," Kuniko, my Japanese waxing lady made fun of me EVERY single time I went in there AND told her other clients about me and my cream. But she charged me $25 (and I gave her a $10 tip) when the actual price at Anthony Garubo Salon AND DAY SPA?? was $50, so I was okay with her telling my secret. She told me she was very proud of me in later years for being such a trooper and not using the cream anymore but I think it was just an excuse for her to bring it up again.
AND, that guy who hit me ends up in my LIVING ROOM 4 years later and proceeds to explain to me how even though his car drove into the SIDE of my car, and he had a STOP SIGN, that I am the one who hit him. The EMLA must have gone to my head.
I'm driving down Parker Ave, noticing that I'm driving a little slower than normal as I approach the flashing yellow light by the high school, where a mob of Maplehoodlums are loitering, when I see this guy on his cell phone stopped at the flashing red light to my left. Then this guy decides that my car, my numbing diaper, and I are all invisible and T-bones me. Grreat.
It was like being on Jerry Springer with all those kids running over and screaming and shouting and letting me know that they saawd that and I aint got nothin to worry bout cause he hit me and they gon tell the police... great, the police. So I'm not the kind of person who cares about things like bringing my driver's license with me or worrying about getting in trouble for things... because everything is fixable and you can basically do anything you want until someone tells you that you cant... but don't ask first!
Anyway, the police are like, are you okay blah blah blah, license and registration please... and I'm like... umm can I call my mom and have her bring it? So I'm still sitting there in my plastic diaper trying to answer all their questions without getting out of the car, but they basically make me get out and I can hear the saran wrap crinkling in my pants and its very uncomfortable. So I give them my documentation (which isnt exactly perfectly in order but thats a whole other issue with my dad), they tow the car, and my mom drives me to my appointment, which means that now I have to tell her where I was going and why.
Until the day I found out that she secretly retired, and all I could do was say, "NO NO NO NO" and "why? when? what am I going to do? I CANT BELIEVE THIS!" and then back to "NO NO NO NO," Kuniko, my Japanese waxing lady made fun of me EVERY single time I went in there AND told her other clients about me and my cream. But she charged me $25 (and I gave her a $10 tip) when the actual price at Anthony Garubo Salon AND DAY SPA?? was $50, so I was okay with her telling my secret. She told me she was very proud of me in later years for being such a trooper and not using the cream anymore but I think it was just an excuse for her to bring it up again.
AND, that guy who hit me ends up in my LIVING ROOM 4 years later and proceeds to explain to me how even though his car drove into the SIDE of my car, and he had a STOP SIGN, that I am the one who hit him. The EMLA must have gone to my head.
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